You Ate All the Cake?

   As I was finishing up my first post my coping problem opened my bedroom door and smacked me in the face, in the form of my older daughter, "You ate all the cake?".  It is embarrassing to admit that I did and it isn't the first time that it has happened.  I eat when I am feeling down or stressed and it almost always leaves me feeling more down or stressed than when I started.
   I am not sure when in my life I started eating to bury my emotions but I know it isn't new.  It has been more clear in the last few months however.  Last October I decided I wanted to get my weight under control and I started the Take Shape for Life diet program.  It worked great and I was able to loose a little over 35 pounds!  Around March I started to feel like my motivation to stick to the program was waning and it was getting harder to justify the expense, so I went of the program figuring I could loose another 10 pounds or so on my own with the healthy habits I had learned while on the program.  Well fast forward to today and I have gained about 15 pounds back and if I don't figure out how to get a handle on my eating I will be back to my starting point in no time.
   I have started looking more closely at my eating and trying to find out more about compulsive overeating and Binge Eating Disorder.  I am waiting for two books to arrive (one from the library, one from Amazon) to figure all of it out and where, if at all, I fit in.  Some things I know about my eating are; I often eat unhealthy foods when I am not hungry, I sometimes hide what or how much of something I am eating from others, I often feel shame and increased negative feelings after I eat, I notice a real difference in how I feel mentally and physically when I eat well but can't seem to stick with it, and I have thought about making myself throw up after eating but have never tried.  Boy that makes me feel like a nut to write that all down!